Posting a Sample: The Homecoming
Dec. 11th, 2009 08:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
rachiegrl6Okay - I'm gonna post a sample that I started writing last night. Please let me know your thoughts - good or bad - no matter what I'm just interested. Let me know what, if anything, wasn't necessary and what left you wanting more! I appreciate it and I promise to check out those comments I got when I get back from work today. And I promise I'll learn the whole behind the cut stuff too so these don't take up so much space.
The Homecoming
Chapter: 1
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rachie_grl6
Genre: Hancest
Pairing: Zaylor
POV: Zac
Rating: PG (varies by chapter)
Banner by:juliadoty
Disclaimer: Don't know the boys!
Author's Note: Enjoy and please be gentle. It's my first time! Haha :)
“Hello! I’m home,” I yell as I walk in the door. The warmth hits fast and overwhelms me as I quickly move to take off my winter coat and hat. It always amazes me that it can be so cold outside and yet as soon as you step indoors you are sweating like a pig.
As my cheeks regain their color, I hear tiny footsteps running towards me. Looking up I spot my youngest sister, Zoe, coming at me with arms wide open.
“I missed you Zo,” I exclaim grinning and I sweep her up into my arms, squeezing her tight and placing a kiss on her head.
“I missed you too Zaccy. You should come see me more!” She fakes a pout. I laugh as I set her back on her feet and lean down to whisper in her ear “If I came home more often, I couldn’t bring you a present every time.”
A smile slowly spreads across her face as she realizes I have something for her. I chuckle and pull a five dollar bill out of my wallet to hand to her. She jumps up to grab it and hurries away. Ah it may not have been the best present in the world but she didn’t seem to mind.
As I pull myself back to reality I notice a figure standing in the doorway leading to the living room. “Hey Zac,” he says, “It’s really great to see you.”
The corners of my mouth start to turn up and before I know it I am in front of him and pulling him into a hug. “I missed you too” I mutter.
And I do. I’ve missed him since the day I moved away. Probably more than I should.
Almost immediately I’m pulled from his arms into my mother’s. “Zac, I’m so happy to see you. We all are. It always seems so long between your visits,” she says with tears in her eyes.
I wish I could come back more often but something keeps me away. I can’t explain it so I don’t even try.
“I missed you all like crazy!” I say as I pull away from my mom to hug Jess and Aves at the same time. I can’t help but notice that everyone seems older than the last time I saw them. They are all growing up so fast and I’m missing it, I think sadly to myself. I give Mac a high five and do the awkward handshake-pat-the-back-sorta-hug thing with my dad.
“Where’s Ike?” I ask Dad as I pull away. My dad sighs, “He’ll be here tomorrow. Him and Marie were invited to a Christmas party tonight.” I know it’s a poor excuse for missing my homecoming after nearly a year away but I won’t hold it against him. I never could. He’s my brother and I love him no matter what even if I’m a little upset.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tay’s eyes droop and a frown start to form. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Unfortunately I don’t ponder that much longer as Zoe has returned and she is pulling at my arm and urging me to join them all at the table for dinner.
As we sit around the table enjoying our meal, I can’t help but smile as I look to each member of my family. I didn’t want to come home for Christmas this year. I would have been content to sit alone in my apartment watching movies and eating cookies.
But as I glance around I decide that I’m glad I made myself get on that plane. Even if I’m living on my own I still need these guys. They mean so much to me and it’s so easy to forget when I’m so far away.
I put down my fork and stretch back in my chair. I jump slightly when I feel something brush against my leg. I look down to see a hand.
His hand.
And damnit if I didn’t feel my heart beating a little faster in that moment.
I casually turn my head towards him but he doesn’t seem to have noticed. His eyes dart towards mine and he holds my stare for just a moment. Then just as quickly as it was there, his hand is gone. What was that all about, I wonder as I move to get up from my chair.
Once I’ve made it through the goodnights and up the stairs to my room I realize I am exhausted. I yawn deeply and flop down on my bed.
I want so badly to fall asleep but I can’t stop thinking about him. Somehow I feel him at the door. I’ve always been keenly aware when he is around. I sneak a peek to see him watching me. What is with him and doorways!
“I can’t believe you’re really back,” he whispers and I barely catch it as I drift off to sleep.
Neither can I, neither can I.
The Homecoming
Chapter: 1
Author:
rachie_grl6Genre: Hancest
Pairing: Zaylor
POV: Zac
Rating: PG (varies by chapter)
Banner by:
juliadotyDisclaimer: Don't know the boys!
Author's Note: Enjoy and please be gentle. It's my first time! Haha :)
“Hello! I’m home,” I yell as I walk in the door. The warmth hits fast and overwhelms me as I quickly move to take off my winter coat and hat. It always amazes me that it can be so cold outside and yet as soon as you step indoors you are sweating like a pig.
As my cheeks regain their color, I hear tiny footsteps running towards me. Looking up I spot my youngest sister, Zoe, coming at me with arms wide open.
“I missed you Zo,” I exclaim grinning and I sweep her up into my arms, squeezing her tight and placing a kiss on her head.
“I missed you too Zaccy. You should come see me more!” She fakes a pout. I laugh as I set her back on her feet and lean down to whisper in her ear “If I came home more often, I couldn’t bring you a present every time.”
A smile slowly spreads across her face as she realizes I have something for her. I chuckle and pull a five dollar bill out of my wallet to hand to her. She jumps up to grab it and hurries away. Ah it may not have been the best present in the world but she didn’t seem to mind.
As I pull myself back to reality I notice a figure standing in the doorway leading to the living room. “Hey Zac,” he says, “It’s really great to see you.”
The corners of my mouth start to turn up and before I know it I am in front of him and pulling him into a hug. “I missed you too” I mutter.
And I do. I’ve missed him since the day I moved away. Probably more than I should.
Almost immediately I’m pulled from his arms into my mother’s. “Zac, I’m so happy to see you. We all are. It always seems so long between your visits,” she says with tears in her eyes.
I wish I could come back more often but something keeps me away. I can’t explain it so I don’t even try.
“I missed you all like crazy!” I say as I pull away from my mom to hug Jess and Aves at the same time. I can’t help but notice that everyone seems older than the last time I saw them. They are all growing up so fast and I’m missing it, I think sadly to myself. I give Mac a high five and do the awkward handshake-pat-the-back-sorta-hug thing with my dad.
“Where’s Ike?” I ask Dad as I pull away. My dad sighs, “He’ll be here tomorrow. Him and Marie were invited to a Christmas party tonight.” I know it’s a poor excuse for missing my homecoming after nearly a year away but I won’t hold it against him. I never could. He’s my brother and I love him no matter what even if I’m a little upset.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tay’s eyes droop and a frown start to form. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Unfortunately I don’t ponder that much longer as Zoe has returned and she is pulling at my arm and urging me to join them all at the table for dinner.
As we sit around the table enjoying our meal, I can’t help but smile as I look to each member of my family. I didn’t want to come home for Christmas this year. I would have been content to sit alone in my apartment watching movies and eating cookies.
But as I glance around I decide that I’m glad I made myself get on that plane. Even if I’m living on my own I still need these guys. They mean so much to me and it’s so easy to forget when I’m so far away.
I put down my fork and stretch back in my chair. I jump slightly when I feel something brush against my leg. I look down to see a hand.
His hand.
And damnit if I didn’t feel my heart beating a little faster in that moment.
I casually turn my head towards him but he doesn’t seem to have noticed. His eyes dart towards mine and he holds my stare for just a moment. Then just as quickly as it was there, his hand is gone. What was that all about, I wonder as I move to get up from my chair.
Once I’ve made it through the goodnights and up the stairs to my room I realize I am exhausted. I yawn deeply and flop down on my bed.
I want so badly to fall asleep but I can’t stop thinking about him. Somehow I feel him at the door. I’ve always been keenly aware when he is around. I sneak a peek to see him watching me. What is with him and doorways!
“I can’t believe you’re really back,” he whispers and I barely catch it as I drift off to sleep.
Neither can I, neither can I.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-11 05:43 pm (UTC)This definitely has me curious. I don't get the vibe that Zaylor ever had anything going on in the past, but I definitely get the feeling that both of them feel something now. And maybe they did before, maybe Zac moved because he needed to put some distance between himself and Taylor because of how he felt. Or maybe not! *bounces* See how curious you've got me? lol I'm sitting here reading bits of this over and over, trying to figure out their entire life history from nothing but a few words.
So it would be VERY helpful if you please posted more. *smiles sweetly*
And I think this was great, especially since you said you hadn't written anything before! My first hanfic efforts were total pigs poo! The only thing I'd suggest would maybe be to take it a little slower? But sometimes you just can't, you know? Sometimes you don't have the ideas for the bits in between (like what happened in between dinner and bed, etc.), and so you just have to skip it. :)
I'm glad you decided to post this!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-11 11:18 pm (UTC)Yay - I'm glad that I sparked an interest and we'll just have to wait and see what happens. You don't know, I don't know, but they sure do! Haha and I'll try to post more as it comes to me - no worries.
About the gaps - I definitely noticed some of that last night when I was reading over it. I feel like I should write perhaps a couple of chapters and then go back and read for content to see how the story flows and if gaps or overlaps exist. But for now I just wanted to get something up to see if it garnered any interest.
Thanks for reading. I really appreciate it!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-11 11:26 pm (UTC)I find it hard to believe that this is your first Hanfic story. You wouldn't know it, because this is amazing. Well written and easy to follow. I was interested from the very beginning!
I certainly hope you write more and soon because I'm greatly intrigued! I want to find out just why Zac had been gone for about a year, and what he'd been up to. Was he trying to escape, to hide from something? Was he away in school?
And I want to find out what's going on with Zac and Taylor, too. They don't appear to have been anything more than best friends and brothers, but it definitely seems like there's the potential there for the two of them to be more.
I think this is great, and I hope to see more! Keep up the great work!:D
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-11 11:40 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for reading and I'll work on getting part 2 up soon!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-13 03:39 am (UTC)Taylor's character...he seems so incredibly interesting. Quiet, mysterious, all in his head. I love it. I can't wait to find out more about him and his feelings about Zac/Zac's leaving home.
I'm on board to read more whenever you produce it! ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-13 05:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-17 07:00 am (UTC)hmmmmm...i wanna know why he won't come back and visit more often.. at first i thought there was already something that happened between taylor and him but at the end when taylor put his hand on zac's leg, i got a different vibe..
ok going to go read the other two chapters
(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-20 04:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-17 07:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-12-20 04:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-02 09:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-03 01:20 pm (UTC)Yeah Zac didn't have to stay away but it sure made it easier for him, and soon enough you will find out about him and Tay.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-04 01:33 am (UTC)Sometimes being away can help. I can't wait.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-17 10:25 am (UTC)Also, I added you as a friend. Hope that's okay ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-17 12:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-17 12:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-17 11:59 pm (UTC)I'd love an add so I can read more of this? :]
(no subject)
Date: 2010-02-18 12:01 am (UTC)Enjoy the rest of this one and it's sequel "Time of My Life".
Thanks for reading!
(no subject)
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Date: 2010-07-13 01:20 am (UTC)I'm excited to jump on the reading bandwagon for this story. This seems like it's going to be great. :)
(no subject)
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