rachiegrl6 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
rachiegrl6) wrote2009-12-11 08:08 am
rachiegrl6) wrote2009-12-11 08:08 am
Entry tags:
Posting a Sample: The Homecoming
Okay - I'm gonna post a sample that I started writing last night. Please let me know your thoughts - good or bad - no matter what I'm just interested. Let me know what, if anything, wasn't necessary and what left you wanting more! I appreciate it and I promise to check out those comments I got when I get back from work today. And I promise I'll learn the whole behind the cut stuff too so these don't take up so much space.
The Homecoming
Chapter: 1
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rachie_grl6
Genre: Hancest
Pairing: Zaylor
POV: Zac
Rating: PG (varies by chapter)
Banner by:juliadoty
Disclaimer: Don't know the boys!
Author's Note: Enjoy and please be gentle. It's my first time! Haha :)
“Hello! I’m home,” I yell as I walk in the door. The warmth hits fast and overwhelms me as I quickly move to take off my winter coat and hat. It always amazes me that it can be so cold outside and yet as soon as you step indoors you are sweating like a pig.
As my cheeks regain their color, I hear tiny footsteps running towards me. Looking up I spot my youngest sister, Zoe, coming at me with arms wide open.
“I missed you Zo,” I exclaim grinning and I sweep her up into my arms, squeezing her tight and placing a kiss on her head.
“I missed you too Zaccy. You should come see me more!” She fakes a pout. I laugh as I set her back on her feet and lean down to whisper in her ear “If I came home more often, I couldn’t bring you a present every time.”
A smile slowly spreads across her face as she realizes I have something for her. I chuckle and pull a five dollar bill out of my wallet to hand to her. She jumps up to grab it and hurries away. Ah it may not have been the best present in the world but she didn’t seem to mind.
As I pull myself back to reality I notice a figure standing in the doorway leading to the living room. “Hey Zac,” he says, “It’s really great to see you.”
The corners of my mouth start to turn up and before I know it I am in front of him and pulling him into a hug. “I missed you too” I mutter.
And I do. I’ve missed him since the day I moved away. Probably more than I should.
Almost immediately I’m pulled from his arms into my mother’s. “Zac, I’m so happy to see you. We all are. It always seems so long between your visits,” she says with tears in her eyes.
I wish I could come back more often but something keeps me away. I can’t explain it so I don’t even try.
“I missed you all like crazy!” I say as I pull away from my mom to hug Jess and Aves at the same time. I can’t help but notice that everyone seems older than the last time I saw them. They are all growing up so fast and I’m missing it, I think sadly to myself. I give Mac a high five and do the awkward handshake-pat-the-back-sorta-hug thing with my dad.
“Where’s Ike?” I ask Dad as I pull away. My dad sighs, “He’ll be here tomorrow. Him and Marie were invited to a Christmas party tonight.” I know it’s a poor excuse for missing my homecoming after nearly a year away but I won’t hold it against him. I never could. He’s my brother and I love him no matter what even if I’m a little upset.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tay’s eyes droop and a frown start to form. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Unfortunately I don’t ponder that much longer as Zoe has returned and she is pulling at my arm and urging me to join them all at the table for dinner.
As we sit around the table enjoying our meal, I can’t help but smile as I look to each member of my family. I didn’t want to come home for Christmas this year. I would have been content to sit alone in my apartment watching movies and eating cookies.
But as I glance around I decide that I’m glad I made myself get on that plane. Even if I’m living on my own I still need these guys. They mean so much to me and it’s so easy to forget when I’m so far away.
I put down my fork and stretch back in my chair. I jump slightly when I feel something brush against my leg. I look down to see a hand.
His hand.
And damnit if I didn’t feel my heart beating a little faster in that moment.
I casually turn my head towards him but he doesn’t seem to have noticed. His eyes dart towards mine and he holds my stare for just a moment. Then just as quickly as it was there, his hand is gone. What was that all about, I wonder as I move to get up from my chair.
Once I’ve made it through the goodnights and up the stairs to my room I realize I am exhausted. I yawn deeply and flop down on my bed.
I want so badly to fall asleep but I can’t stop thinking about him. Somehow I feel him at the door. I’ve always been keenly aware when he is around. I sneak a peek to see him watching me. What is with him and doorways!
“I can’t believe you’re really back,” he whispers and I barely catch it as I drift off to sleep.
Neither can I, neither can I.
The Homecoming
Chapter: 1
Author:
rachie_grl6Genre: Hancest
Pairing: Zaylor
POV: Zac
Rating: PG (varies by chapter)
Banner by:
juliadotyDisclaimer: Don't know the boys!
Author's Note: Enjoy and please be gentle. It's my first time! Haha :)
“Hello! I’m home,” I yell as I walk in the door. The warmth hits fast and overwhelms me as I quickly move to take off my winter coat and hat. It always amazes me that it can be so cold outside and yet as soon as you step indoors you are sweating like a pig.
As my cheeks regain their color, I hear tiny footsteps running towards me. Looking up I spot my youngest sister, Zoe, coming at me with arms wide open.
“I missed you Zo,” I exclaim grinning and I sweep her up into my arms, squeezing her tight and placing a kiss on her head.
“I missed you too Zaccy. You should come see me more!” She fakes a pout. I laugh as I set her back on her feet and lean down to whisper in her ear “If I came home more often, I couldn’t bring you a present every time.”
A smile slowly spreads across her face as she realizes I have something for her. I chuckle and pull a five dollar bill out of my wallet to hand to her. She jumps up to grab it and hurries away. Ah it may not have been the best present in the world but she didn’t seem to mind.
As I pull myself back to reality I notice a figure standing in the doorway leading to the living room. “Hey Zac,” he says, “It’s really great to see you.”
The corners of my mouth start to turn up and before I know it I am in front of him and pulling him into a hug. “I missed you too” I mutter.
And I do. I’ve missed him since the day I moved away. Probably more than I should.
Almost immediately I’m pulled from his arms into my mother’s. “Zac, I’m so happy to see you. We all are. It always seems so long between your visits,” she says with tears in her eyes.
I wish I could come back more often but something keeps me away. I can’t explain it so I don’t even try.
“I missed you all like crazy!” I say as I pull away from my mom to hug Jess and Aves at the same time. I can’t help but notice that everyone seems older than the last time I saw them. They are all growing up so fast and I’m missing it, I think sadly to myself. I give Mac a high five and do the awkward handshake-pat-the-back-sorta-hug thing with my dad.
“Where’s Ike?” I ask Dad as I pull away. My dad sighs, “He’ll be here tomorrow. Him and Marie were invited to a Christmas party tonight.” I know it’s a poor excuse for missing my homecoming after nearly a year away but I won’t hold it against him. I never could. He’s my brother and I love him no matter what even if I’m a little upset.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tay’s eyes droop and a frown start to form. I wonder what he’s thinking about. Unfortunately I don’t ponder that much longer as Zoe has returned and she is pulling at my arm and urging me to join them all at the table for dinner.
As we sit around the table enjoying our meal, I can’t help but smile as I look to each member of my family. I didn’t want to come home for Christmas this year. I would have been content to sit alone in my apartment watching movies and eating cookies.
But as I glance around I decide that I’m glad I made myself get on that plane. Even if I’m living on my own I still need these guys. They mean so much to me and it’s so easy to forget when I’m so far away.
I put down my fork and stretch back in my chair. I jump slightly when I feel something brush against my leg. I look down to see a hand.
His hand.
And damnit if I didn’t feel my heart beating a little faster in that moment.
I casually turn my head towards him but he doesn’t seem to have noticed. His eyes dart towards mine and he holds my stare for just a moment. Then just as quickly as it was there, his hand is gone. What was that all about, I wonder as I move to get up from my chair.
Once I’ve made it through the goodnights and up the stairs to my room I realize I am exhausted. I yawn deeply and flop down on my bed.
I want so badly to fall asleep but I can’t stop thinking about him. Somehow I feel him at the door. I’ve always been keenly aware when he is around. I sneak a peek to see him watching me. What is with him and doorways!
“I can’t believe you’re really back,” he whispers and I barely catch it as I drift off to sleep.
Neither can I, neither can I.
no subject
I find it hard to believe that this is your first Hanfic story. You wouldn't know it, because this is amazing. Well written and easy to follow. I was interested from the very beginning!
I certainly hope you write more and soon because I'm greatly intrigued! I want to find out just why Zac had been gone for about a year, and what he'd been up to. Was he trying to escape, to hide from something? Was he away in school?
And I want to find out what's going on with Zac and Taylor, too. They don't appear to have been anything more than best friends and brothers, but it definitely seems like there's the potential there for the two of them to be more.
I think this is great, and I hope to see more! Keep up the great work!:D
no subject
Thank you so much for reading and I'll work on getting part 2 up soon!